Reflecting back and hoping ahead.

Cabo San Lucas - January 2008.

Happy New Years Eve Day to you all! 2009 rings strangely in my head - for some reason I am stuck in the '90's whose numbers make sense. How did we get to 2009... so quickly it seems??

Simple Mom has a great post today to help you all reflect on this past year. I read through the questions and realized how full my 2008 was, and realized I couldn't answer most of those questions with just one thing. Here were some of my highlights:

- Flying to Cabo San Lucas with my family and parents at the end of January '08.

- Celebrating Grace's first 'Cinco de Mayo' in May (obviously)with a Mexican Fiesta. Her first birthday. I think I may have a pinata at each of her birthdays from now onwards - lol.

- June saw us board our first cruiseship with great friends of ours. We headed to Alaska and enjoyed far too many martinis on the ship.

- July was my girlfriend Allie's wedding where I was honored to be a bridesmaid for her. It was a stunning location. Doesn't every girl dream of getting married in a castle?

- August saw Grace take her first steps. What a delight!

- September I welcomed in my 29th birthday. I am currently enjoying this last year in my 20's. 2009 will see me hit my 30's - eek!

It has been a year of watching Grace go from babbling to talking, from crawling to walking to running. I can't even fathom what she will be like next December and I'm excited for that journey watching her grow and learn.

It was a year of saying farewell to maternity leave, getting used to being seperated from my daughter, and returning to work. It is amazing how quickly you adapt. I have now been off for holidays for a week and a half, and it feels like forever since I've been behind my desk. I am actually looking forward to going back next Monday (who thought I'd ever say that!).

And it was a year of adjustment for Nate and I. Our marriage and roles adjusting to being parents. Getting comfortable with it all. It seemed it took a year for us after Grace was born to come out of the newborn fog and to feel like we were whole again, not broken into parts being distributed helter skelter.

I hope you all also had an amazing year of great friendships, perhaps some travel, and many memories created. I feel honored since starting this blog last May to have 'met' so many wonderful friends out there. Thank you for visiting this little bit of cyberspace and saying hello. I look forward to getting to know you all even that much better in 2009.

Cheers to 2008 and welcome to 2009!

An Early W.I.P. Wednesday

It is almost Wednesday here so I figure I can do an early W.I.P. post (that would be Work In Progress... following along with Shelly's fabulous idea).

First, thank you all for your feedback on my little Miss 'No'. Nate and I realize that she is trying to become her own person, and therefore is desperate for some independence. Pair that with a couple new words, and we have the situation we are in now. We have started the approach that we offer her options so she has some choice. For instance "Grace, would you like to go downstairs?" rather than "Let's go downstairs". The wording is practically the same but we are passing the power to her. In situations that will allow for it anyways. Obviously not in matters that would jeopardize her safety. If she says no, then we wait a few minutes and try a different approach. For instance "Grace would you like to ride on my back down the stairs?" Eventually, one of the options is satisfactory. It is always nice to hear from others who have been there, done that, and have made it through to the other side. Your tips and wisdom are valued.

As for all my clubs, still sorting that one through.... What can I say? I love projects. I just need to figure out if I can balance it all.

Ok, now onto the W.I.P.

I managed to put down this project for a couple hours tonight. I have been toting it all around the house lately. In the middle of cooking dinner, I'll knit a few stitches. While watching Grace play, I'll do a few more. At night in bed, a few more there too. It is consuming me and I love it. I have loved the challenge it has presented me to learn new techniques.

I put the sock aside tonight so I could focus on some Disney prep. It is now less than a week until Erin and I fly out to Florida - eep! Seriously, where has time gone? The knowledge that I still had costumes to prep was driving me nuts, so I hunkered down and almost have both complete now.

I found some felt hearts at Michaels, and tacked them onto my running skirt and socks for part of my "Queen of Hearts" costume. That one is for the half marathon. My Mom is making me a crown to complete the outfit and plans for us to work on it this weekend. Supposedly she has picked up some red and gold fabric for it.

Then I also tacked my mouse ears onto my running hat tonight as part of my Gus Gus costume for the full marathon. I am in love with this hat. Even Nate thought it was pretty fantastic. This photo will have to do until I have a better photograph of the entire outfit taken in Florida.

Phew! That's it for tonight. Off to do a bit of prep for New Years tomorrow. 2009 is at the doorstep. What are your resolutions for the coming year?

A few questions for you all...

First about Grace:

- we are hearing alot of 'Mine' and 'No's over here. Shouted at loud volumes. Such as "Grace, let's put on your shoes" and we hear a loud "NO!". Or, she throws the ball for Clifford, he takes it, she gets mad and yells "MINE!". Question: Have we entered the terrible two's?

- Second Question: How long does this last?

- Third Question: Why do they make pants for toddlers with snaps on them? I think I have re-snapped up her pants four times today. She is now running around with the legs open with only the crotch sealed. Nice.

Questions for me:

- How many 'Clubs' is too many 'clubs' to be apart of? I am part of a Book Club, hold a Stamping Club at my home once a month, have joined the Simple Mom Book Club for 2009, and would REALLY like to be part of a knitters sock club. Perhaps this one. Is that too many clubs?

Or perhaps I need all those retreats to offset the 'two's?

Birthday Pie?

Perhaps I started a new tradition last night. We had Birthday Pie for my Dad rather than Birthday Cake. Unbelievably, Safeway was out of a key ingredient I needed to make my Dad a cake - marjarine. Lactose free marjarine so that Nate can partake. Since they were out, I turned to making a pie.




Christmas is just the beginning of celebrations in our family. Between December 27th and January 16th, between mine & Nate's families, we celebrate five birthdays. And it looks like a new babe from my play group is soon to be born and added onto that number. I am anxiously awaiting news from Sarah about a new baby boy.

Back at it!

How was your Christmas? Ours was wonderful. Spent mostly at home, lollygagging around in our pyjamas - eating, and laughing. Still though, it was a jam packed day and left us all feeling tuckered by the end of it all (meaning 6 pm on Christmas Day when our littlest one headed to bed). Opening gifts is hard work for a toddler.

Are you thinking we took it easy today? 'Fraid not. I felt the urge at 8:30 this morning to plow forward with our renos. I successfully painted our walk in closet today, and the last wall of our bedroom - phew! They look fantastic though. Now it's Nate's turn to get some patching done in the bathroom, then back in my court for painting. I like that it's in his hands now for awhile.. gives me time to knit ;)

I have been busy tackling knitting my first pair of socks. I am loving the challenge, and the fact that I still have another week off of work. Feels like luxury. And gives me time to get a bunch of things done around home, and still have some down time.

December 31st is just around the corner. I can't believe it is almost 2009! If you have been contemplating joining the book exchange, just follow the link on the left of my blog and let me know. I think I am starting to get a hang on which book I plan on sending - can't wait!

Winter Wonderland

It is going to be a white Christmas for sure this year in our neck of the woods. Our plan is to stay inside surrounded by the warmth of family, friends, laughter, joy & awe.

I hope your Christmas celebrations are filled with the same things and more, and that they make you pause to take in the beauty of the season.

From my family to yours - have a very Merry Christmas!

Lost and Found

Today is a quiet day for me. Christmas is coming up fast (2 days!) and tomorrow the festive spirit can continue. But for today, I want to keep it quiet and reflective. The fast paced life can catch up with me in 24 hours. Of course I still have to run out today and buy one more Christmas present, and do some other general errands, but I hope to keep the festive spirit of Christmas tuned down, just a little bit.

Two years ago today my family lost a very special young woman in an oilfield industrial accident. It was her last shift before taking off for the holidays. She wasn't even 25 yet. I came home last night from a Christmas function with friends and said to Nate "Tomorrow will mark 2 years". He had his back turned to me, was quiet for a minute and all he said was "Chris?" Yes. It is amazing how quickly time passes and yet how slow it seems to move all at the same time.

But with loss, it seems there is always balance. I also know of two people celebrating a birthday today. Somehow that balances everything for me. Life taken, and life given. It doesn't make the loss any less, but for me it helps for it to make more sense.

Tomorrow I will be back with my last Christmas post for the next couple of days. Today though I am going to knit, reflect, and spend some time loving the family that I have been blessed with.

The Mental Game

Dec. 23 - Running with a book only lasted 5K. I picked Wicked by Gregory Maguire. I heard it was a good book, and for the bit I was able to stay focused on it, it did have me chuckling in a few parts. But I needed rhythm and didn't think I could make it through 32K without that. Might be good for a short gym workout though?

Preparing for, and running in, a race of any length is not just a physical feat, but also a mental one. Whether you are training for your first 5K, your first 1/2 marathon, or your first full (or sixth full!) the number always looks scary. You spend alot of time sitting, looking at that digit and thinking "can I actually DO that?" That is at least what I always seem to end up doing. Therefore, the mental preparation is really important for me.

This weekend is my last heavy mileage weekend before Disney. Can you believe it is now only 17 days away? Eek! My training program never had the distances go beyond 15K and 30K, but it left me uncomfortable thinking that on race day I would have an additional 18K to run. That is obscene in my opinion. So this weekend my goal is/was to run 18K on Sunday (today) and then 36K tomorrow. If I can do that, then mentally I know I can tell myself on race day "Come on, you can do this, you almost did it in training! What is another 8K?"

I hit the Oval again this afternoon with Erin. The poor woman forgot her Ipod and ran two hours listening to horrendous music from the figure skaters. I got there late and only managed to squeeze in 13K before public running was shutting down and my parking meter was up. Determined that I needed to see at least 16K today, I came home and ran outside for 3.5K in the -20C (without windchill). Total mileage today was 16.5K. Pretty pleased with that. If I can hammer out 34K tomorrow then I will KNOW I can do this. That is such a wonderful feeling, and will make the taper over the next few weeks feel great.

I only have to run around 2 different tracks tomorrow to accomplish 34K. The Oval which is 450m and a smaller one on the same campus which is only about 200m (sigh). I am thinking of downloading an audio book tonight to run with tomorrow. Anyone ever listen to an audio book while exercising? Good, or bad idea?

Hip Snuggle

I have been quiet the past few days hip snuggling my kitchen counter, ensuring Grace doesn't fall off of it. We have been baking up a Christmas storm.

Only yesterday did I discover she was just as happy watching the mixer and helping stir from her high chair.

Monday night we made Homemade Oreo Cookies.

Tuesday we made Spiced Sugar Cookies.

Wednesday it was Fennel and Cheddar Breadsticks.

Last night, Lemon Gingerbread Loaves.

Today it will be Candy Cane Bark and perhaps some Snickerdoodles for a very good friend of mine.

Then we will be ready. We are having a Christmas Shingdig tomorrow with some friends. An open house from 10-4. I hope all this baking will keep everyone's bellies pleasantly sweetened.

24 out of 30 cards are in the mail and almost all the presents are wrapped.

Are you getting ready for the holidays?

Missing the Organizational Gene

I have almost come to the conclusion that the ability to be an organized person is genetic. I have two brothers, an older, and a younger, both of whom are much more organized people than myself. One even more anal than the other. I somehow missed that genetic component. Let me give you an example. *I should clarify that for me, someone who is organized, is also someone who is a clean person.

I was seven and really wanted my ears pierced. My Mom made me a deal. I keep my room clean for an entire month, and I can get my ears pierced. My room was SPOTLESS that entire month. I got my ears pierced and it all went back to the disaster it had been previously. My ability to be clean was the bane of my Mother's existence. It was easier for her to keep my door closed so she could pretend it wasn't how it was.

Even Nate when I was in University, would come over and clean my room for me. It's true.

Why am I admitting this you ask? Are you concerned about the current state of home I habitate?

One of the blogs I read, Simple Mom, had a post the other day that at first I dismissed. But it quickly began running through my mind on a frequent basis. It was titled "Your Home: The Best Company to Work For" In my humble opinion I think that the replies got a little off topic, with some debating whether or not a SAHM (stay at home mom) actually works or not. Sigh. Let's not discuss that here please? Thank you. What caught my attention with this post, was one that applies to everyone, not just Mom's (or Dad's) that are home during the day raising their families. It is the idea of taking care of, and respecting the home that you are blessed to have (because, sadly, there are far too many people without adequate shelter).

Realizing that I am not an organized person by nature, I constantly struggle with my ability to keep my home in tip top shape. I want to share here with you (incase you are like me) two things that have helped me keep my home (most days) a place that I can be proud of. A place where I can welcome friends and family who randomly drop by to visit, and one in which I believe myself, my husband, my daughter, and even my dog, are happy to be in. If you are an organizationally competent person and have other tips you think would make my life easier, please share. Ok, here we go:

1. I make lists, all sorts of lists. On my whiteboard is a checklist for things that have to be packed in Grace's diaper bag so I won't forget. I make a Menu Plan and grocery list every Thursday and also shop that day. One trip in one week cuts down on spending (I believe you spend more if you give yourself more opportunities to pick up un-needed items), and it also frees up my time. I write lists of what needs to be cleaned on what day, which playgroups I am going to, etc. etc. Lists keep me sane. My day planner is essential.

2. I have bins for things. For example, in my front hall closet I have a bin for Running, Hats, Scarves & Mittens. I have bins in the kitchen for Tupperware, for Grace's cutlery, for her bibs and cloths. Having a place to stow everything reduces clutter. If something doesn't have a 'home' I then evaluate whether or not I need that item. If so, it has to find somewhere to reside. If not, I donate it. (There is alot of this happening right now because of renovations - ALOT of clothing is getting donated).

Keeping my home, a home, is work for me, and a personal area that I try to improve on every day. It is also a 'job' that I love (most days), working on, and improving the quality of life for myself and my family, simply by creating a comfortable place to 'be'.

One key item here, that I will dicuss furthur on a later post, is that in order to be productive and maintain a happy and organized home, you also need re-charge time for yourself (especially if cleaning and being organized are not relaxing activities for yourself that you find pleasure in - ha!). At the end of a work day, downtown or with Grace, I work on my 'home' (cleaning, organizing, paying bills etc.) But I shut it down by 9 pm so that I have at least, every night, an hour from 9-10 pm just for me, where I only do things I enjoy. If something didn't get done on my list from the day before, it can wait. Because I am also important. And I think that far too many of us, place ourselves too low on our own list of priorities.

This past week that has been my 'food for thought'. What are your thoughts?

Kindness pays itself back in spades!

Thanks go to Erin for standing in a long postal line and sending off the caps today. She reported back the whole episode was rather stressful as it isn't very easy (as one might think) to send things to the US to a PO Box. You can't send express (which is good given it would have cost me $54!), the only option is to send standard mail (unless you know the receivers phone number). So, they are enroute, but might just take a bit to get there.

Today was -30C something with windchill. It took me two hours to get to the office. Once I arrived, I found out that the heaters weren't working. It was only 15C. Brr. I spent all day (with my bosses full ok) in my Lululemon pants and my winter boots - oh and a scarf wrapped around my neck! I only changed into work attire for a meeting with a client.

I get headed on my way home, get off the train, get to my car, try to drive away, and I am completely stuck. Usually I can rock my car out of the snow bank, or go in reverse. But today there was a car parked behind me so my only option was to try to go forward. I will fully admit I am not a car genius. I wouldn't be able to change a car tire if you asked me too. All I know is that I am pretty good with driving on snow and ice given I grew up in the stuff. So I was totally drawing a blank when NOTHING I tried could free me. By this point, probably three cars had driven past and nobody offered to help. I actually think a car of teenagers laughed. I don't know about you, but situations like that just want to make me cry. I was on the brink. My cell phone had died and I had no idea how I was going to get Grace from the dayhome. I decided to find a neighbour.

This is a rather dicey propsect in the community I was in. It is an older community near the University, so I would either find a young University student, or I would find an elderly resident. Neither I didn't think could help, but they might give me a phone so I could call Nate. The first door I went to the doorbell was completely falling apart and wouldn't ring. I went a block over, saw a house with a van in the driveway and decided I would try. A elderly gent answered the door and I asked if I could use his phone. He smiled and asked me to come in, and said sure as long as it wasn't long distance. I reassured him it wasn't. I got Nate on the phone and started explaining to him my situation. The gent listened and said at the end of it all "well, if you are just a block over, why don't I see if I can push you out, if you think it would just take one person?" Really? You wouldn't mind?! I was doubtful this would work but I was willing to give anything a shot.

He got to my car and started giving me lessons on what my first and second mistakes had been. Then he told me how to fix it. Very clearly let me add. And you know what? He got me out. I got out of the car and gave him a huge hug and wished him a Merry Christmas. I was only ten minutes later than usual picking up my little girl.

I am so very thankful today for the elderly Polish man who lives around the corner from my usual parking area. I plan on delivering him some cookies this week with a special handmade card.

A prime example I think of what giving can give back to you.

I would be interested in hearing what kindness has bounced back to you for some kind act you had put forward. And, I hope you had a much warmer day today than I!

Caps to Cap - Haitien Project

My first 'Pay it Forward' is complete.

The following quote from the 'Mama to Mama' site was heavily on my mind as I thought about this project - "In keeping with the spirit of the project, please try to use repurposed fabrics if they are available to you (bedsheets, flannel shirts, clothing, etc in good condition), or fabrics you have on hand."

Originally I had thought I would go out and buy some super cute jersey fabric to make the caps out of. Darn it. Ok, what do I have around my house that is jersey that I can re-purpose? Finally it dawned on me. Nate and I had bedsheets that were made out of jersey that we didn't use as often anymore.

After my Mom dropped off her sewing maching this afternoon, and Grace was tucked into bed, I came downstairs with the sheet in my hand. All I had to do was smile at him and he said "What are you up to now?" with a grin on his face. Making caps I replied. Is it ok to use our bedsheet? His smile was enough, and off I went. I made 10 to send to Amanda, and can easily make more from this one sheet. I think after the Christmas rush has subsided I will complete a few more and send them to a local shelter here in town.

I hope these 10 little caps find a good home.

'The Kiss'

Pattern from this book.

Knit with 4.5mm & 5.5mm dpns.

Will be adorning a newborn babe in January :)

3:20:16

That is the amount of time I ran in 'oval's today. I stopped counting laps at 3. I had thought I would take my indoor running Nike Triax so I could actually see my distance, but having not used it in probably three years, when I retrieved it this morning it's battery was dead. So, I took my friend Erin's advice and ran by time. I figure that landed me about 32K. For sure 30K. As I ran here is a list of things I came up with that I am thanful for today:

I am thankful there is a place like the Oval so I don't have to run outside in the cold.

I am thankful for my warm boots and jacket that kept me snug between my car and the track.

I am thankful my friend Erin was there for 2 hours and 20 minutes of my run.

I am thankful a co-worker was skating on the ice and took some time to skate beside me and visit.

I am thankful for all the sights that kept me occupied - Speed Skaters training, little kids on their bmx bikes, the special olympics team training, and the public skating.

I am thankful for others that were on the track and visited with me. A woman walking for 4 hours training for the Vancouver marathon. Two men running inside for the equivalent of 26K. An old man that ran like Phoebe from 'Friends' while carrying a 'Murse'. And a couple and their daughter who saved me from my insanity at 3 hours and 7 minutes. My legs were beat so I ran backwards to find them. I asked if they could help run me in and they did. The wife extended her run by 5 minutes so I could meet my time goal.

I am thankful I am home, my daughter is in bed, and that I will soon be headed there as well.

I recommend nobody try running that many time in 'ovals', unless you REALLY, REALLY need to.

Baby it's cold outside!

The weather forecast is grim. Starting anytime now snow is going to start falling. It is expected we will see 10-15 cm by tonight. With the snow the temps are going to plummet. -3C right now but by tonight -27. With windchills this weekend we could see up to -40C. Do you remember my running post last weekend? Snow and cold will not beat me this time.

I ran one day early. This morning, I ran 15K before the storm was able to arrive. Take that! Tomorrow, I will run 32K indoors. Think of me as I run around a 450m track... oh about 71 times. A friend told me this morning that I might get dizzy. I am worried about boredom. Anything you can think of that could help keep my thoughts occupied?

Disney is so close now. Less than one month! Yesterday while Grace had some quiet time (naps were out of the question yesterday) I worked on mine & Erin's costumes. I stopped at a craft store and picked up some felt. I was so pleased to see they had felt with adhesive! So, I bought brown felt for my ears and tail, pink adhesive felt for the inside of the ears, and some floral wire. (A mouse can't run with a saggy tail). Here is where this little project is at:

And I have not forgotten about my friend Erin going as the Cheshire Cat. I worked on some ears for her. It wasn't until I left the store I realized a cat also needs a tail. That will be in the works too sometime in the near future. Without her hat to photo the ears with, I had to use my green mouse hat. But you'll get the general idea. And yep, her ears have glitter. Seemed appropriate for the Cheshire cat.

The tails and ears for both costumes have floral wire in them... so they are positionable - lol. My plan is to stitch the tails to our water belts. Should be quite cute.

On my way home from my run I did recycling, dropped off dry cleaning and bought groceries. We are hunkering down and preparing for the cold. I doubt I will venture out other than to the track tomorrow to run. I hope to get a ton of Christmas baking done and to work on my Christmas cards (so close now!). At the Starbucks this morning I saw a woman sitting, drinking a latte and writing and addressing her Christmas cards. It looked so peaceful and calm - lol. Perhaps I also need to sneak out to do the same myself.

What to do without a bed?

Tonight I lost my bed. Here is a photo of where I have been sleeping (you might want to look with only one eye open it's that scary)....

And here is the room now....

Ready and prepped for carpet tomorrow.

I hate sleeping on couches and hearing the tick tock of the kitchen clock, so I have decided I am going to camp out in Grace's room on her floor, bringing fresh many old memories.

When she was five days old Nate and I tried everything to get her to sleep. We rocked her, sang to her, told her stories. I nursed her. And she cried. I don't know what time Nate went to bed, it was probably 2 or 3 am. There was nothing left for me to do, so I laid her in her bassinet on the floor, and we cried together. Nate found us that way at 6 am and called the midwives. I don't remember most of what was said, just the words "Honey, she's hungry." Nate drove around the city for an hour that morning looking for a store that was open to buy her some formula. I think of that night often and how far I have come in regards to healing from not being able to solely feed her myself, and how far I have come as a first time Mom.

Grace slept with us until she was 6 months old. She would cry if she was put alone in her room, so she stayed nestled close to me until she was ready. I loved laying down to sleep and hearing her breathe. Or having her heart beat against my chest when she was really wee.

I am going to miss my bed tonight. But there is a huge part of me excited that I am choosing to camp out in her room. I look forward to hearing her breathe and seeing her face first thing in the morning.

Here's some photos of us she asked me to take tonight.

"Camera."

"More""More"
I love that little girl.

Thank you all so much for your comments as well as those of you who sent me private e-mails regarding yesterday's post. It is always scary putting so much of me out there onto the net. Thank you all for listening and for your caring. I hope that one day there will be healing, on both sides, and some communication. Can that be my Christmas wish?

I thought it only fair that I also show you Nate's box. Here it is:

And here are the seashells from our walks:

I left out all the gushy notes ;) I think I particulary love the box because he made it when he was 19 and it reflects so many memories for me of who he was, who we were, and it also reminds me of how much we have changed. You are all right, he is a very sweet man. Even when we argue I never doubt that he loves me. It is an awesome feeling to know you are loved so deeply.

I spent some time knitting tonight. It has only been a week or so but feels like alot longer. I am 3/4 complete a newborn toque that was supposed to be photographed on a new little man.... yesterday. I am determined to finish it though and hope it can adorn another newborn's head in the future.

And I came home to this! The tile has been laid in our shower, and the plywood floors nailed down. Tomorrow the tile flooring will be installed. Grout on Thursday (same date as carpet!).

Friday is going to feel like a brand new day.... and home!

Last but not least, I ALMOST have my Christmas cards ready to be mailed. Do you?

Opening up and learning to let go

I came home late last night and drafted this up. Finally decided to publish it this morning, and have added a bit at the end...

As Christmas draws closer I find myself retreating from the people and things I love. Myself and my younger brother and his wife have had a silent but steady parting over the past six years. Weekly it seems something happens leaving the wound fresh and open. This will be the first year that Nate and I have finally said that because of it all, we are spending Christmas alone. I know that this is the right decision for me, for Grace, for my family. And that Nate is steadfast on it because he is protecting my heart. But it is oh so hard for me. I have great ideas flying through my mind of what I can cook for three people for Christmas dinner, and what we can do all day to celebrate. But I know I will miss my family's Christmas traditions terribly. I am not the only one saddened. My parents are too and wish I could give it another try, amongst them saying that they know I have tried so many times. But one can only try so many times until they have to say that they can no longer allow themselves to be hurt. Especially with a toddler who is watching and learning from everything around them. Some behaviours do not need to be learned. I am sheltering Grace, and Nate stands in front sheltering us both. It hurts though, really really hurts.


I want this holiday season to be full of magic and wonder for Grace, but I find I am constantly reminding myself to pull up, stand up straighter and put the hurt and heaviness aside. But it's so hard. I want to reach out to my brother and be with him as he struggles with some medical issues right now. But I'm not allowed to come in close and am held well beyond an arms reach away.

Holding on and trying to fix everything was pretty hard. Letting go is even harder.

*After writing that out last night, I went and spent some time with Nate and eventually headed up to bed. Sitting on our window seat I saw the box. It is a box that Nate made me over ten years ago when we were dating. He covered it with yellow and blue dots with a red note on the top. We have been carrying this box with us from BC to Alberta, house to house, and room to room as we renovate. Last night I decided to pick it up. I brought it to the bed and opened it up. I had forgotten how much love was put inside. As Nate and I were dating he picked up a seashell from every beach we used to go to. We spent most of our dating life on beaches - talking, walking, exploring and dreaming. For every seashell in this box, there was a note. The notes spoke about which beach they came from, and how excited he was that I was to be his wife. I couldn't help but sit there last night with this box on my lap and smile. And feel so incredibly loved.

It seems for everything that's hard, there is always something else out there that can brighten even the darkest room.

I hope if Christmas is a dark time for you this year that there is some sunshine waiting for you right when you need it.

Carmen - 20, Snow - 4

The snow won today. It usually doesn't. I have run in -30 (-45 with a windchill), I have run in hot African temps, and I have run in nasty rain. But today, Calgary is expected to receive 10 cm of snow. And the snow that is falling is heavy and thick. It is beautiful if you are inside looking out, or tobaganning, or going for a walk with a loved one. But it isn't so nice if you are driving, or running. By the time I finished my run I was drenched despite being in water resistant clothing, and the snow was at least a foot deep. I was supposed to run 24K. I made it 20K and was fine that the snow defeated me. It can have those last 4K. It's beautiful though now that I'm inside looking out with a chai in hand. Mmmmm Eggnog Chai.

Thank you so much Sophie & Maria-Rose for posting about the Pay it Forward. It made my day yesterday seeing your sweet comments, and I love how something this simple is connecting people across the web and worldwide. Can't wait to see the Kindness Bandit post on Tuesday!

My weekend has been crazily busy. This coming week the tile should be finished in our walk in closet, and the rest of our carpet will be layed. Therefore I have been busy since Friday night painting our master bedroom. My Dad, the sweet soul that he is, came over today to paint while I was running. My Dad and I have together painted my entire home. (Nate hates painting and it is better to leave it to the professionals - har har har). Anyways, our room used to be a soft beige, and is now blue. It was supposed to be green, but appears blue. Given our bed is cherry, the carpet is brown, and for the meantime we have oak trim, the light colour I think will look awesome. I know you have been missing the reno picks and dying to see what our new carpet looks like so here's a few snapshots for you:

Those are the colours in our bedroom. And some green painters tape thrown in for good measure. The dark colour in the nook of our window seat is the same as the opposite wall where our bed will eventually be.

This is Grace's bedroom to give you a sense of how the carpet looks in a space.

And here is Grace and I testing it out while putting the tree skirt on our Christmas tree. As Nate said "this home is finally starting to feel like ours" It is such a nice feeling.

The time has come

I woke up this morning, got Grace up, we were having breakfast, and it hit me. Today is December 5th. Grace is 19 months old. The time has arrived where days start to slip into one another and you stop counting months. The day comes and goes and you don't realize it is a monthaversary. Part of me was shocked to realize I had forgotten, but the logical part of me said "this is completely normal". Onward we go.

So, I am switching up the Pay it Forward given I only had one person respond who wanted to participate! So Alicia is officially on my pay if forward list. Alicia is expecting her first babe this coming Spring, so I have decided to do a painted letter for her babies room (once I know the name!). Here's a couple photos of ones I have made in the past...

For the two others, here who I have chosen and why :)

First is the 'Caps to Cap-Haitien' project at Mama to Mama. Amanda at Soule Mama started this and so far has collected over 400 newborn caps as well as a few blankets. I have already asked to borrow a sewing machine next weekend to work on Grace's quilt binding, and will now be adding this to the docket. I look forward to making up a few caps to send off as one of my 'Pay it Forwards'.

The third pay it forward is for Maria-Rose at 'Little Things are Big'. Her Kindness Bandit posts are so inspiring, and she is always paying it forward asking nothing in return. She sets a great example so I would like to give her something back to acknowledge the wonderful things she does. I have been thinking about what it is Maria would find useful, and I have landed on knitting her up a pair of her very own mittens. It seems chilly where she lives and who can't use a nice pair of mitts? They will follow the same pattern of the ones I made for myself. Maria, please drop me an e-mail at cdrysda@hotmail.com to let me know cotton or wool and what your mailing address is (if you please!).

I am excited that my pay it forward gifts are all so different. Here is my timeline:

Alicia - the babe is coming in the Spring, so as soon as I know the name, I will get painting! For sure by May as the little one will be here by then :)

Cap Project - next weekend this will be made and I plan to have them in the post by Christmas.

Maria-Rose - my goal is to have these in the mail and on Maria's hands before the weather turns warm. Hopefully by Valentine's Day.

Last thing is the Book Exchange I proposed. It seemed like there were quite a few of you interested in this idea! Based on everyone's response, I am going to propose an exchange in January, ensuring that your book will arrive to the receiver's hands by February. Does that sound good? If you have yet to respond, or need to confirm that these dates work for you, please post a response on this post. At the end of December I will gather all the names and will pair everyone up with somebody. You need to be willing to ship worldwide. Looking forward to it!

I am on a mission this afternoon to pick out paint for our bedroom and to find a potty for my daughter. Completely at a loss for both of those things. Any advice?

*I'm home, with a potty in tow. Wish me luck. Sophie, I have added you in as a Pay it Forward Recipient :) (The more the merrier I say!) I am going to come up with an awesome prize for you..... just have to ponder it a bit still!

Something handmade by me!

Did you know that today is 'Give Away Day?' It is over at Sew Mama Sew! I am not brave enough (ok, the truth is I didn't know about it to be prepared enough to participate in giving something away) but there are awesome things to be won. Go check it out.. once you are done reading my blog... because amazingly enough, today I received news that I get to be part of 'Pay it Forward'!

I first heard about pay it forward on 'Musings from the Fishbowl'. Unfortunately time had passed and I couldn't post to participate. But a few days later Shel posted up some of her recipients participating so I quickly headed over to list my name. I am DELIGHTED that I have been picked by a recipient of a handmade goody by Tasha. Take a peek at her Etsy shop - yum!

So here are the rules of the give-away:

I will randomly select three people who leave a comment on this post, to receive a handmade gift from me within the next 365 days (I promise it will be MUCH sooner than that though!). However, you must also be willing to do the same, and you have to have your own blog. Simple? Yes. And so wonderful.

I paint, I sew, I make cards, I knit & crochet. I promise the goodies will make you shriek with excitement :) Oh, and I will ship worldwide.

The kitten has lost it's mittens...

or is it the other way around? I should really spend some time refreshing myself on nursery rhymes given it is my duty to pass them down to my daughter. Otherwise I will pass things down to her like this:

Tobacco is a dirty weed. I like it. It makes you thin it makes you lean, it takes the hair right off your bean. I like it.

That was actually a plaque in my Grandmother's kitchen and it would make me giggle every time I read it. There was also a song my Dad's family all used to sing involving a bugglar and a bum glass eye. Yes, you read that right. And my Uncle sang it at my wedding. Also true. Can you see now why I should learn some nursery rhymes??

But, the title is about mittens, or rather socks actually. I searched for them at lunch today to make my advent calendar but with no luck. It seems nobody sells socks with a Christmas theme. They used to didn't they? I have a pair in my dresser drawer with snowflakes on them! But 2 socks will not get me to 24 days of a countdown. So, this year the advent treat countdown is off. But, I plan on knitting up my very own little socks over the course of this next year to be prepped for next. I just need to finish an afghan first, 5 newborn hats, another mitten for my left hand, a couple more Christmas gifts.... you get the point. But I have a year to do them - no problem!

Last little Christmas bit for you all (for today anyways!). A coworker today said that her family for Christmas drew names and are exchanging books. They have to give the person whose name they received, a book that they have read and enjoyed that they think the receiver has not. Isn't that intriguing? I am desperately wanting to participate in a book exchange of the same nature. Anyone care to join me? Post here and let me know. Could be an adventure to be sure!

*I entered this contest today! Stop by and take a peek - some beautiful jewellery to be won and a delightful blog to read if you are a parent!

Are you ready?

Christmas is almost here. I know I have been saying that for awhile, but today is December 1st. DECEMBER. I can hardly believe that. Wasn't it just August?

Christmas is in the air here though - literally. It is windy and snowing and plain 'ol wintery. Makes me look forward to outdoor skating and hot chocolate. Mittens, toques and snowmen.

I am staying bundled up inside though, blogging on my couch and adoring our new carpet. Heaven on your feet. I adore it. I would post up photos but then I would have to leave the couch, and my legs just won't have any of that today. You will all have to patiently wait one more day. But, back to Christmas.

My husband is anaphylactic to dairy. Not lactose intolerant. Growing up I adored Advent Chocolate Countdown calendars - you know, the one you can buy at the Grocery store? Those went the way of the dinosaur when we got married but I have been wracking my brain for years trying to come up with a way to share this awesome tradition with my husband. (It is my personal mission to try to enrich his life with things he missed out on due to dietary restriction - pizza, tortellini, ice cream). And a few days ago, while meadering through blogs I found it. An advent calendar made up of tiny hand knit mittens. Fabulous! I could stuff each of those little mittens myself!!!!! But, if you read this blog you are most likely aware (as am I) that I take on far too many projects and have far too little time.

So I found this blog. Which led me to this idea. I can't wait. Tomorrow on my lunch break at work, I am off to find socks. And for the first time in Nate's almost 28 years, he will be able to countdown to Christmas with a daily treat.

I can't wait to share this with him. Awesome, awesome!