An Open Door

Sometimes, most times, when you pray for an open door, the one that usually opens, isn't the one you were expecting to.... it's usually better.

Since Grace was born, actually a few months prior when I started maternity leave with her, life has been pretty blissful, in the regards that Nate has been home with me, with us, alot. More than most other husbands and fathers. We have had the benefit of lots of extra help around the house, mornings where he gets up and gets breakfast for Grace and I have a chance to shower or run out for a coffee... all before he started work at 8:30 or 9 am. Nate was self-employed and worked from home. If he wasn't out on a site, he was downstairs. A quick call away if extra hands were needed. Often if he was at a site, he'd stop in at home now and again. I know we have been lucky, and that Grace has been especially lucky, as when she was still a wee babe, she was just as bonded with her Dad, as she was to me.

But for the past year and a half Nate has been chasing a new career path. I'm not going to mention what it involves as he is still in the process. But amidst that process, he ran into an old friend who went to carpentry school with him.... and offered him a job. A job we just can't pass up. An open door we weren't expecting. It is a new job, just not the one we thought. He starts next Wednesday and will be away from home for 50 hours a week - that includes 5 to 6 hours on Saturdays. Boy this is going to be an adjustment and he is sure going to be missed - by all of us. Sundays are going to be extra special having the whole day together as a family.

As Nate starts his new job, in a way I start a new job too. Without his helping hands, this little home of ours is my fulltime job. I'm excited to embark on this journey. It feels good to me to be raising our kids and taking care of our home, while he is out earning the income we need to support this little life of ours. It's good. It will just be different.

Have I mentioned how much I will miss him? Oh so much. I plan on leaving him lots of little notes in random places letting him know how much we love him and how often we'll be thinking of him.

God is good, and we are so thankful this job was given to us, right when we needed it.

Things I'm Loving Right Now

1. The way Grace calls me 'Mama'. I always referred to myself as Mama to her since she was a newborn - I never wanted to be a 'Mommy'. Not sure why. But she calls me Mama now and I soak it up.
2. Aidan. He had his first true laughter yesterday. It's absolutely wonderful.
3. Nate. I'm so proud of him for so many reasons. He's making some hard choices right now in regards to his career, all done for our family, and I am honored to be his wife and friend.
4. Iced Caramel Macchiatos from Starbucks. It's honestly too beautiful out for a hot latte.
5. Sitting on the deck, enjoying my iced coffee, and watching Grace play with our Golden Retriever Clifford. Those two are enamored with eachother.
6. Being a stay at home Mom. I love my job of keeping our little family running.
7. Sleep. Aidan gave me almost 7 hours straight last night. First time in a month and a half. It was bliss and I hope it happens again - soon.
8. Life. Life feels so good right now. I'm focusing on the positives, and steering clear of the negatives. We are so blessed to live somewhere so free. Free of poverty, free from want, free to be.
9. Yarn - when do I not love yarn? I've found my knitting 'mojo' again and some longterm WIP's are nearing completion. Finishing things up always feels good.
10. Me. I feel at a great balance right now. For the first bit after a baby your body still feels foreign. It is starting to feel like the 'old' me again. It's good.

What are you loving right now?

Three More Days

We are scheduled for three more days of bliss before the rain comes.

So far today G is making "clues" (a.k.a. footprints)

and I'm doing a little work on a sock.

Oh for these days to return for longer than just a few days!

Delayed Post

My promised post from the other day is going to be delayed for a few more. Trust me it will be worth the wait (has to do with shoes, and yarn - two delightful things). But, we are having summer like conditions in the middle of April and important things are being enjoyed:

• learning to jump through sprinklers by an almost 3 year old
• a 3 month old enjoying his first rays of sunshine on a deck
• knitting
• reading
• swinging in a hammock
• drinking lemonade and BBQ'ing
• eating icecream
• and little G and I should paint our toes. No, we WILL paint our toes :)

This beautiful weather should last us the rest of the week. Oh the days of summer - we have missed you!

Be back soon...

Thank You

Sometimes it's good to open up and let it all out. Even if it all doesn't make sense yet. My post on Tuesday was like that for me - I have had those thoughts lingering since Aidan was born, but I kept them hidden inside. This past week I have done more talking about those feelings to those dear to me (and you!) than I would have imagined. But opening up about it all has been so healing. And your comments, have meant so much to me. Thank you all for being a friend, holding my hand, and for your own honesty and openness. I know it probably wasn't easy. But I want you to know I appreciate it, more than the words on this blog can express. Hugs to you all. Will be back tomorrow with something much lighter!

Shouldn't it be easy?

First, I should preface all of this, by saying I am still getting little sleep. My Mom told me I am probably thinking/being emotional about the following, due to the little shut eye I'm getting. She's probably right. But most of it I have thought about for a long time now. Here's my big question:

• If we (women) were 'made' to conceive and bear children, then shouldn't that be 'easy'? Why is it seemingly so hard?

My midwives told me at my six week post partum check up, that I would start to feel emotional about the c-section I had with Aidan. I was pretty sure I wouldn't. It did save our lives didn't it? But, as Spring has arrived, and new babes seem to be being born everywhere I turn, I have started to think about it a little, or a lot. My pregnancy with Grace was generally ok, but I did have morning sickness. The labour and delivery with her was more than a marathon, stretching into 48 hours, over 24 of which was active. Aidan - I needed Diclectin I was so ill, the morning sickness lasted longer, he had complications, and the labour and delivery, well that had complications too. I sat yesterday asking Nate "was I not built for this?" Why can some women have natural home births, and deliveries that happen in mere hours, and others struggle through it?

Within my Mom's Group, there are those that have had c-sections, vaginal deliveries, VBACS. All different stories, but there is one common thread - the second pregnancies/deliveries were always easier than the first. Not so in my case. I'm left wondering "why?". There are obvious things of course - bone structure, genetics possibly. I get that. My 'why' question goes back to the bare bone fact, that if women were meant to give birth to children, and say this was the cave man era, how would I have done it? Why wasn't it 'easy' for me?

I am glad to have a Mom who can be my sounding board. She reminded me yesterday that pregnancy, and birth is just the first stage. There is all of Motherhood after that. Someone who has an easy pregnancy or birth, does not necessarily make an exceptional Mother.

It seems unfair that there are good women out there, who I know would be exceptional Mothers, who can't get pregnant. And then there are women out there, and I hate to say this, but who easily have children, and perhaps, truly, really shouldn't. And friends who conceived their first child without issue, and now have to seek fertility treatment to try to conceive a second.

I know that all these questions don't come with an answer. But sometimes, I can't help but ponder these big life questions.

Any thoughts?

Fleeting Saturday Thoughts

• I had Mastitis a week ago now, and am still taking pills that are the size of small elephants. Can't wait to be off the antibiotics. Especially since I have to take them on an empty stomach within a 3 hour window of not eating. Who doesn't eat for 3 hours? Not me. I'm a constant snacker. On the plus side, not snacking this past week has resulted in a 1 pd weight loss.
• I wish there was a way to tell if a Creme Egg had a gooey interior or not. They just aren't the same when the inside is solid. Nice that they are now half price though. I have to admit I'm stocking up.
• Nate is away today chasing his new career path. It is a pretty quiet Saturday that feels more like a Friday because of it. If it wasn't so cold out (0C) I'd take the kids to the park.
• I feel a little scattered with craft projects. I started Grace's birthday present last night, and with just one hiccup it is now smoothly coming together. It feels great to be at the sewing machine again. Just can't seem to focus all my energy in one spot though. Some sewing here, then some knitting there. It probably takes twice as long to finish anything that way.
• We are constantly in toy clean up mode over here, and I'm ready to purge some of them again. We bought a book shelf though for our playroom for all of Grace's books and that has helped immensely. The girl has a memory like one I have rarely seen. We read her a book once, and she can then "read" it to herself afterwards word for word. She will sit for over an hour and read to herself on her little couch. I hope that is a habit she continues for her whole life.

Don't you know it.

I started a pair of socks back in December. As usual when I start a project, I cast on quite excited about them. The yarn was my first spontaneous, without a project in mind, purchase for myself on my 30th birthday. The pattern, one that I loved the look of for quite some time. They seemed like a perfect pairing. Then I cast on. 3X3 rib. For the non-knitters out there, let's just say this is painful, or at least I find it so. 3 knit stitches, 3 purl stitches. If I'm honest, it's the purl stitches I loathe.

Now add to this 3X3 rib h*ll the fact I have to do it, for what I KNEW to be 6 inches. I was determined I would master those 6 inches.

Tonight, with the kids happily playing, I did it. I had 6 inches of rib.

I just went, grabbed the drastid sock, sat down with the book to start the heel flap, and wouldn't you know it. It says to knit rib for 6 1/2 inches. Since December I have had the number 6 in my mind. When I was at 5 inches I was determined to make 6. Now at 6, I have to say, I could frankly care less about that half an inch. Especially since I have another sock to knit if this is ever to be a pair.

Sock - 1. Me - 0.

I'm ok with that. Heel flap, here I come. Rib, you don't play fair.

Happy Easter

From all of us here, to all of you out there! We hope the "Bunny" has been extra good to you :)