Sunday, October 30, 2011

Defining Me

If I was asked to describe who I am, I could easily list off a few things.
  1. I'm a Knitter (with a capital K).
  2. I'm a Mom
  3. A friend
  4. A wife
  5. An artist
  6. An occasional runner (shhh. I will be again one day).
To be honest, since becoming a full time stay at home Mom, I haven't put much thought into how others see me.  I get through the day to day.  Breakfast, getting dressed, driving to pre-school, picking up, playing, laughing, making more food, cleaning more things up, doing laundry etc. etc.  It's just my life.  (And one I love).

I was tucking Grace into bed a few nights ago, and she had on her lap her favorite Richard Scarry book.  It was opened to the page about 'Workers' and I sat down next to her to read it before she fell asleep. 

It was about a goat of some sort, that was a farmer, who bought a tractor from someone else, who bought some eggs, bought his wife a gift (it's true!), and his son and then put the rest of his money in the bank.  I think it was trying to show how the world economically goes around and around.  However, there were then three questions on the page. 

The first:  What does your Dad do for work?  Grace quickly replied "He builds tall towers".

Second :  What does your Mom do for work?  She paused, she lowered her head.  I asked her again.  She shrugged her shoulders in a gesture of "I don't know".

Then I paused.  And I said "I take care of you".

The third was "what do you do".  She also couldn't answer that. 

But I have been thinking on this off and on, ever since.  And what gets me, is that my Mom was a stay at home Mom.  And I don't have any particular strong memories of her being there.  I think it's because she always just was.  I never knew any different.  Nor does Grace. 

And for that I'm kind of thankful.  That she doesn't remember those two years of being in a dayhome.  That she only knows this, now. 

But the other side of me wishes there was a definition for who I am, what I do.  To tell another adult I'm a SAHM, denotes a certain image of what I do (obviously depending on their own personal experience of to them what a Mom does).  But to a child?  To my kids? 

When people asked me what my Mom did, I told them she was a Microbiologist.  For she was, at night and on holidays.  But me?  I'm this.  A Mom.  That is me.  It is what I do.  It's almost as if socially, a Mom doesn't exist in the repertoire of "workers".  My Mom pointed out perhaps it would help if books like Richard Scarry incorporated the various roles of women who work, including those who work at home raising their children.

I do know I want to be more than shoulder shrug.  That I want to have my kids be able to answer when asked, what I do, and be strong, proud, and sure of the answer.

Now I just need to work with my family, and my kids, as to what that answer will be. 

What are your thoughts?

2 comments:

alicia said...

i kinda lose who i am sometimes being so involved in momming, but i would have it no other way. taking care of these kiddos is all i ever wanted, living the dream, thats what i say to ppl when they ask what i do, i say i'm a stay at home mom, living my dream! i never get a negative response after that :)

Maria Rose said...

I think it is important to define yourself, even [especially] if those parameters constantly change. I want my daughter to know how important it is for me to be a mother, but I also want to set an example that nobody does or is one thing...we are many things. So I am trying my best to be my own person, right now that is mostly a person who adores motherhood, but there will be a day when she doesn't need constant mothering and I don't want the rug pulled out from under me.